Fair warning....this is going to be a long post.....

 

 

This is the hardest thing I'll ever have to do in my life.....but it has to be done....

 

I've been incredibly selfish.....keeping two women by my side like this just isn't right.....and it isn't fair...

 

Sharing me like this isn't fair to them....one will feel left out when I'm with the other.....and when both are with me, the need to be alone is far too great....

 

I sense it in both Sapphira and Kaida....it's not fair to have them share me like this....It's not fair that one has to sit around and do nothing while I'm with the other....So now I'm going to have to decide who to devote the rest of my life to....

 

It's not easy.....I don't want to hurt either of them....and the one I don't choose...I wish to still remain great friends with. You are both the mothers of my children....and I care deeply for both of you, you must know this. But by still remaining friends with the one I don't choose, you'll remain in my life in some way, and that's all I ask...

 

Now for my decision....

 

I care deeply for you, Kaida.....you must know this.....You saved my life when I was killed by one of Adrian's assassins....you are the mother of four of my seven children....I'll never forget the times we've had together.....You stopped me from suicidal thoughts after I thought I lost Sapphira....And I have betrayed my vows to you time and time again and still you understood....More then I realized actually.

 

Sapphira.....Ra....Where do I begin......You helped me during the toughest times of my life...When my mother was killed....you gave me that one chance I needed to say goodbye to her. If you weren't there, I probably would have done somethng stupid....but your presence was just what I needed to keep my head straight. You saved my life that night. The passion we shared was something I'll never forget. When I thought I lost you, I swear, my life meant nothing to me anymore. I contemplated suicide Ra knows how many times...any way to find my way back to you.....I didn't find out you were alive until after Kaida and I were married...but truth be told, Sapphira.....if I had even the slightest idea at the time that you were alive, there would have been no wedding. I thought I could move on....but I was wrong, Sapphira....you were the only one I could think of.....the only one I can think of now.

 

Yours and Malik's wedding......I can't even get into that.....It felt like my heart snapped in two that day. The moment you said "I do" to him, I lost it. It truely felt like someone ripped out my heart, threw it in a blender, and hit whip. I realized the mistake I made that day.....not waiting for you. Not keeping the faith that my brother and Aurora were wrong when they told me the worst.....not going out to look for you myself. My grief.....I couldn't think straight when I heard the news that my one true love was killed. When I'm grieving, I curl into a ball and hide away....and that was my biggest mistake, not going out there to find you. Sapphira...You are the one I gave my heart to....the one I shared my first kiss of true love with....the one I had my first child with....the woman I first chose to be my wife....to spend all eternity with. When I had to remove that ring from my finger....my world just froze....I cried myself to sleep for about a month or two. You don't know how hard I was kicking myself when I found out you were alive. Kicking myself for not waiting to know for absolute certain that I was a widower before moving on...kicking myself for being so lost in this screwed up head of mine to get up and go see for certain if the news was true. My love for you has never died.....over 300 years and it's still as strong as the moment I met you. Letting you go was not an option for me.....It can never be. I could never let you go. I freeze whenever it comes to even the slightest possibility of you being with someone else....I can't handle it.....I feel the hotness start to burn at my chest at the mere thought of someone else coming in and taking you away. It would litterally kill me.....

 

I believe in the term soulmates......And Sapphira.....that's exactly what you are to me......

 

Bottom line is...I don't want to be selfish anymore.....

Kaida....You deserve so much better than being with someone who's heart has belonged to another for so many years....I don't want to hurt you anymore.....And I know that deep down, you haven't been happy lately in this marriage....You've put on a happy face when you truely aren't happy for long enough....It's time you are able to put on a true happy face from now on. You deserve someone who can give you his whole heart.....someone who will love ONLY you and devote all of his time to just you and you alone. I'm very sorry I couldn't be that person for you....

 

My children, to whom this decision will affect: Take a look at who you're with right now. Could you live without them by your side? What if they were taken from you? What would you do? How would you feel? Would you be able to handle it if you remarried and still loved them dearly...then find out they were alive all along and you didn't go after them in the first place due to being lost in grief that could have been prevented just by taking a trip? Think about it for a moment....

 

Sapphira.....You're my soulmate....my one true love.....the one I first pledged my undying love to....and over 300 years and after being remarried....it never has died. My choice......is you. Fate tried to separate us once...but I can assure you....it never will again.

 

Kaida....I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me...and I still care for you deeply...But I can't make you live like this anymore. I'll continue to support you through this, and the mansion is still your home for as long as you wish. I only wish for us to remain friends....To still be in eachother's lives....to still talk and laugh with eachother like always. I know this is hard....and I'm so sorry if you're hurt because of this....but you deserve so much better, hun. There is a special person out there waiting for you...I can guarantee it.